For an unathletic person like me, Sports Day awards have never seemed remotely attainable. And honestly, who decided that the only prizes worth winning are for running, jumping, and throwing things? So, in the spirit of fairness and fun, I’ve concocted some totally unofficial, yet utterly essential awards for all the Houses, just to add some extra amusement to the day.

Something you may or may not know about me is I have three cats. And due to the wonders of study leave (and my innate ability to procrastinate) I’ve been fortunate enough to spend a lot more time with my cats than I’m usually able to. This has provided me with an excellent opportunity to hone my cat whispering skills (and of course revise, but as everyone’s aware it’s my ability to befriend cats that will get my A*s in my A levels, not my mathematical abilities).

There are many famous Greek and Roman myths and stories: The Odyssey, The Iliad, all the myths involving Zeus’ infinitely creative methods of seducing beautiful young boys and girls, Apollo turning people into plants (I’m convinced Apollo single-handedly created half the flora on earth – I challenge you to find a lover who he hasn’t turned into a plant at some point).
But there are also a few less well-known stories, and understandably so. These are the “blooper” myths: the stories of people who didn’t quite manage to be a hero or just fell over at the wrong moment.

We all know the feeling, when when you want to insult a friend, but just don’t quite have the means to do so, or when you’re looking for a particularly creative insult but one just won’t come, and you stand there for a couple seconds looking dumbstruck.

To continue what is possibly becoming a series of mine, this is the development of what started as a major digression in a discussion of Augustus Caesar in Plutarch’s Life of Antony and has turned into a full blown deep dive into the zodiac signs of ancient figures. That said, it is largely Roman figures, because we don’t know the specific birthday of most of the central Greek political and cultural figures. Either way, enjoy!