Something you may or may not know about me is I have three cats. And due to the wonders of study leave (and my innate ability to procrastinate) I’ve been fortunate enough to spend a lot more time with my cats than I’m usually able to. This has provided me with an excellent opportunity to hone my cat whispering skills (and of course revise, but as everyone’s aware it’s my ability to befriend cats that will get my A*s in my A levels, not my mathematical abilities).
So, to mark the momentous occasion of convincing two cats to sit on my lap within a singular day, I have elected to share my cat whispering secrets with you. You may be wondering why I’m so proud of myself for getting 2 cats to sit in my lap when I mentioned in my very first sentence that I in fact had 3 cats. This is because the third cat, Snowball, is rather lazy and because I’m sitting at the kitchen table a whole 4 meters away from him (see I told you I was also revising) and not next to him on sofa (as according to him I should be) he cannot be bothered to walk the distance to come sit on my lap. Secondly, it is not an achievement to get Snowball to sit on your lap, he is generally so desperate for attention he will come and slobber on you the moment you sit down in his domain.
Snowball (the main event of course is the cat pictures, please ignore the fact that he is sat at the kitchen table after I immediately wrote he won’t come and sit at the kitchen table, this is an old photo as at time of writing he is currently partially shaved for the summer and looks like a little bit of an idiot).
So, to mark the occasion of having two cats sit in my lap in a singular day, I have elected to share my cat whispering secrets with you.
So, onto the cat whispering.
Starting off strong we have the slow eye blink. This is (shockingly) exactly what it sounds like, slowly close your eyes whilst looking at a cat. This is said to indicate your trust to them as you trust them not to attack you whilst your eyes are closed. If they do this back – congratulations! They trust you too!
A sleepy Tony (whilst not quite the slow eye blink, I’m glad Tony trusts me enough to nap in front of me… and also snore which can get a little annoying whilst attempting to do a maths paper)
Next up we need to remember cats rule the world and we merely live in their kingdom. This therefore means don’t touch them without their consent. Unlike dogs, an open palm coming down to pet them can be interpreted by a cat as a threat. Instead droop your hand down, offering the back of your hand up to their face. If they rub their face on it, they’re interested in having pets and affection so go wild! But if they ignore you leave them alone for a little bit, whilst this is naturally extremely difficult to leave an adorable cat unpetted, they’ll remember this display and be more likely to seek you out next time they want affection.
Ethel, whilst the smallest, is the Queen of this household and we all bow down to her.
On the topic of not being dogs, it’s important to note that an upturned belly is not an invitation. Cats bellies are some of the most vulnerable parts of them and so if you are seeing a flash of stomach, feel very lucky as it’s another display of trust. Do not however, abuse that trust and come to pet that belly. No matter how tempting, you will end up with a claw in your hand.
Snowball, who despite nailing the tanning position is failing to get a tan (this might be because he can’t be bothered to go outside).
So go forth and use your newly found cat-befriending powers for good and not evil! I hope all those currently revising have found the cat pictures to be some source of comfort and solace. And so I shall leave you with one further picture of Tony helping me do some physics revision.
(See! I promise I have been revising! For any concerned members of staff or friends, this article was written during my breaks and not during dedicated revision time)
