Hello again my dears, I’m back. Now this is definitely giving a Buzzfeed article vibe, but you know what? I’m loving it. You should probably know that by “classical text” I mean from Ancient Greece or Rome, not, I’m afraid, the 17th-19th century literary classics (though if you ask nicely, I can do that too). I should also note that these are all entirely for fun and based on very little concrete information. If you don’t fit the description of your star sign that’s COMPLETELY okay! Enjoy!!!
Aquarius = Plato’s Republic
- You are: analytical, honest, assertive, confident, innovative, and idealistic.
- If you’ve ever thought about creating your own, (subjectively) perfect city, this one is for you. I’m personally not a fan because Socrates doesn’t want to have any poets in the city…
- Your idealism feels right here, particularly when Socrates has a chat with Polemarchus about defining justice (harder than you think).
Aries = Homer’s Iliad
- You are: bold, energetic, charismatic, lively, creative, and brave.
- If you ignore all the war and fighting, this is actually a nice story.
- Family, friendship, anger, honour; all the bold topics you enjoy.
Cancer = Ovid’s Metamorphoses
- You are: compassionate, loving, protective, devoted, charming, and intuitive.
- Specifically, the Orpheus and Eurydice story in Chapter 10.
- You’re like Orpheus, devoted to the people you love and willing to do pretty much anything, even go to the Underworld, if it means getting them back.
Capricorn = Virgil’s Georgics
- You are: perfectionist, hard-working, dedicated, honest, loyal, and ambitious.
- Now I can’t boast having read this one it does seem like a very lovely story.
- On the surface you’re a lovely didactic agricultural poem, but underneath you’ve got some dimension.
Gemini = Homer’s Odyssey
- You are: witty, curious, funny, communicative, inquisitive, and impulsive.
- You just give the same vibe as Odysseus “of many wiles”.
- Though I would recommend not taking 10 years the next time you try to go home.
Leo = Aristophanes’ Frogs
- You are: confident, ambitious, generous, protective, funny, and energetic.
- Okay if we ignore the ‘protective’ part this text works perfectly.
- I have never laughed so hard at a text written over 2000 years ago.
- Think singing frogs, gods being ridiculed for not knowing how to row, famous playwrights bickering, you name it and it’s in there.
Libra = Sophocles’ Antigone
- You are: diplomatic, fair, idealistic, social, clever, and indecisive.
- You’ve got the dedicated sister down to a tee, but maybe don’t go dying for your brother.
- If you saw the senior play this year, you might get where I’m coming from.
- You’re like Antigone, you want the world to be a better place and you want to work to get it there.
Pisces = Lucian’s True History
- You are: compassionate, artistic, imaginative, supportive, intuitive, and kind.
- This is taking imaginative to the next level.
- The protagonist here goes to the moon, is involved in interplanetary warfare and meets all sorts of interesting people.
Sagittarius = Aristophanes’ Clouds
- You are: lively, passionate, philosophical, adventurous, outgoing, and faithful.
- You’re like the Frogs but with a bit more of a philosophical kick.
- In this play Aristophanes pokes fun at Socrates (a philosopher) by comparing him to a sophist (not a philosopher, he doesn’t like them).
- While I would never normally promote Spark Notes, the summary for this one is actually quite good if you’re interested.
Scorpio = Euripides’ Medea
- You are: ambitious, brave, loyal, secretive, independent, and passionate.
- I’m not saying you’re going to go and kill your children to get back at your husband, but you have the same (non-violent), determined vibe as Medea does.
- The Year 10 Greek students will know exactly what I mean.
Taurus = Virgil’s Aeneid
- You are: reliable, down to earth, loyal, dedicated, intelligent, and stubborn.
- While I can’t say I have read this all the way through (yet) I reckon this fits.
- You’ve got all the makings of an ancient hero, perhaps without the battle prowess?
Virgo = Hesiod’s Theogony
- The best star sign, not that I’m biased…
- You are: practical, organised, methodical, sympathetic, modest, and sensitive.
- This text (brilliantly) explains the birth of the gods and many of the key monsters in Greek myth.
- It’s a pretty perfect meeting between methodical family tree explanations and utter drama which we love.
For any non-classicists very confused by this, fear not! You can a) email the lovely Elspie who can get me to explain further to you, or b) email me because I could talk about most of these texts for hours.
