Disclaimer: All humour here is light-hearted, and I’m very lucky not to have had Covid too badly; we must remember, however, that it can be serious, can have long term implications and that we must still protect the vulnerable members of our communities.
Seeing the title of today’s article, you may have thought to yourself “Sasha, this is sooo 2020” and I would have to agree with you, except, being the overachiever that I am, I just had to catch Covid during the time when all restrictions have been lifted. In fact, I didn’t even catch it myself – my parents gave it to me, to which I say: advocating the “sharing is caring” ideology is NOT a smart move in all situations.
So, since I’ve got nothing better to do, here are some things I’ve observed in the last couple days of isolation.
- Omicron is a little disappointing. Having been exposed to the media’s superlatives of “the deadliest virus to date”, and “most rapidly evolving pathogen”, I’d envisaged more of a sci-fi kind of experience. Instead, I got a cold. It is literally just a cold, except with the bonus of the notion of going outside feeling illegal.
- Arguably one of the most frustrating feelings in the entire universe is being so bored, that you don’t want to do ANYTHING. After watching ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and then, straight after, ‘Alice Through the Looking Glass’, I’d felt like the four hours that had passed had just evaporated into thin air, and I had achieved nothing, other than the slight bewilderment left over from discovering that the Cheshire Cat is voiced by Stephen Fry.
- When everyone in your household has Covid, it becomes an unspoken competition. Whose symptoms are worse? Whose lateral flow test line is crispest? (mine). Who can sneeze the loudest? How many times do I need to blow my nose for my father to leave the room because of how annoying that sound is? (Answer – eleven).
- Similarly, to the above, when everyone in your house is ill, you can’t morally play the victim card that allows you to demand special treatment. You can’t ask your mother to bring you a cup of tea when you are lying in an increasingly uncomfortable position, sprawled on the sofa, because your mother is herself also sprawled on the sofa, wishing for someone to bring her a cup of tea.
- Occasionally, between the lethargy that comes with being ill, I had an odd bout of Hulk-like strength. This morning, for example, I moved my entire bed to disconnect an extension lead that I needed to move somewhere else, and yet just yesterday I was out of breath after climbing three stairs.
- Also, sometimes (like now, when I’m writing this article), there came those moments that come into any bored ill person’s mind during their illness. Ah, yes – the wonderful thought of “hey, look at all this time you have! Would be a shame for it to go to waste. Let’s do some self-development”. This is the prime time for yoga, journaling and writing articles about yourself.
- Again, when everyone in your household is ill, naturally it means that none of us can go out. That was all well and good until we realised that we were out of bread, hummus, and Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream. And it was specifically the bread, hummus and Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream that was keeping us sane through it all. Long story short, we drove to Wimbledon (context – I live an hour away from Wimbledon) to pick up some groceries that a friend kindly got for us. It was an interesting experience, picking up a Sainsbury’s bag from one side of the road, whilst the friend moved a safe distance away, but definitely ten out of ten, would recommend.
- When you’re spending five or so days doing nothing, you start discovering the most fascinating things lurking in forgotten cupboards and corner shelves. My dad and I played Backgammon yesterday that we found in the games cupboard. Backgammon, of all things. Not Monopoly, not Cluedo. Backgammon.
- Lastly, turns out my mother is very good at managing to cover me semi-frequently in showers of Olbas Oil, because, apparently, it will make me breathe better. Seriously, I was reading on the sofa last night and she came up above me, moved the book away, shook the little oil bottle above me a couple times, and then walked away, with the potent tea tree smell wafting behind her.
Overall, even with all the fun that staying at home allows, I must say I’d rather not have caught it. The free time is outweighed by fatigue, very uncomfortable sleeping (with a blocked nose), the impending doom of catch-up chemistry practicals and the inability to go anywhere. I’ll leave you with a quote by me (since the entire article is already all about me, anyway): “I had a LIFE and PLANS, parents, before you did this to me!” said I at 7 am on Friday, just after testing positive.
