As I am sure many of you know, Christmas is coming up, and naturally that raises the questions of what you want to ask for. If you are struggling for suggestions, we have just the list for you: a Christmas wish list in true Wimbledon High fashion:
1. Plain black north face — to really stand out in the crowd. Or simply as to cosplay as Ms Kennedy as seen in Taskmaster.
2. Box of hair dye — Because when mock revision gets too much, all you really need to do is to make some really, really bad choices.
3. A Longchamp bag, or any other handbag that likens Mary Poppins’ in its ability to store everything you need for the day. It has the simultaneous use of being able to find a birthday card from six years ago, but also renders your copy of Jane Eyre nearly impossible to retrieve. In fact, by the time you have pulled it and yourself back from the depths, the lesson is almost over.
4. Pair of Doc Martins along with 2 packets of heavy-duty plasters, one for each foot. Beauty is pain after all – even if it means you are hobbling around in your new shoes for three weeks, with a look of grim-set determination not to let the agony show.
5. £5 note to pay off the lanyard you lost and claim your place in Mrs Mcllroy’s good books. Because it turns out slinging your lanyard into your Longchamp/other bag after every use wasn’t the most secure way of keeping it.
6. Pret subscription (other coffee brands available) and a reusable coffee cup to ease your conscious after going out for your hit of caffeine five times a day. If you’ve been especially good, add in asking for a secret tunnel that connects the school to Pret to get you there and back within lesson change. One can only dream…
7. A second phone after yours inevitably is confiscated.
8. A school wide ban on sending whole school lost emails.
9. A school wide ban on ‘reply all’ emails, particularly if the sum of the information you receive from that particular email is that someone has NOT seen a navy-blue Surface Pro stylus and they send their heartfelt commiserations on explaining its loss to woe-stricken parents.
10. Cloning machine — particularly useful for exams and interviews. With mocks coming up it’s all we can wish for. (Especially for humanities students with genuine fears about the recovery of their hand after it becomes stuck in claw shape from five hours of essay writing).
11. Heating in room 10. Failing that – a blanket scarf so that even when you have staggered out of bed at six in the morning you can still dream about the bed you so cruelly were forced to leave behind.
12. An extra month in between December and January – some suggestions are ‘noworkember’ ‘tryagainember’ ‘decemberagainber’ ‘taketwoember’ ‘crambruary’ – I could go on.
13. Finally, matching Christmas jumpers for Maddie and Mr Turner.
