When I read the name “Tom Holland”, my brain automatically switches to full blown Spider-Man mode – the incredible stunts, the gripping cliff-hangers and the edgy villains. So, my inner Holland-Fan coaxed me to spend two hours of my Saturday watching Unchartered. My gullible self was excited to see Holland’s brand-new film consisting of elements supposedly inspired by… Indiana Jones…?! Well, long story short, the only things that really kept me going were the failed yet amusing attempts of making Holland into a suave cool guy with serious abs and the pretty sights of Spain and the Philippines. Mark Wahlberg had his funny moments, of course – and generally the cast had appreciable chemistry…so I do apologize for the sarcastic and maybe harsh review you’re about to read. However, before you carry on, careful, there are spoilers. I mean in total honesty they shouldn’t matter, the movie is pretty predictable, so take that as you will.
So, the film adaption of the popular PlayStation franchise tells the story of a Treasure Hunter (Mark Wahlberg/Sully) who recruits a street-savvy dude (Tom Holland/Nathan Drake) with some legit bartending and pickpocketing tricks (everything I look for in a guy), to, you know, just solve some clues with an old map and find $5 billion in treasure before the “villains” get their hands on it/kill them all – the everyday usual. But of course, you have to add some more spice to it because obviously that isn’t enough. So, five minutes in I had to supress my shock when I saw Rudy Pankow (yes, the same hot JJ from Outer Banks) swooping onscreen; whose sole purpose was to give the audience some clichéd flashbacks and a backstory…for the drama. Unfortunately, his sexy blonde hair and heart-throbbing smile disappear quite quickly, after a few emotional scenes, and we learn that JJ (sorry, Rudy Pankow) is Nathan’s *long-lost* brother, who mysteriously disappeared whilst trying to find the same treasure. Sully doesn’t tell Nathan that his brother is dead, in order to obtain his help…which soon backfires when Nathan finds out anyways. Then, another character – called Chloe is thrown in, who apparently is not to be trusted, but we trust her anyway…since she’s hard to resist, carries a knife in her pocket, and of course the necessity for some sexual tensions in the movie. Oh, and we definitely cannot forget Tati Gabrielle’s iconic scenes and stunts– I was getting full on mafia vibes with the huge bodyguards incessantly shadowing her. Genuinely though, best character in my opinion.
Anyways, as we all saw coming, Chloe backstabs them, takes their keys for the clues and goes her own way…I know right, the heartbreak couldn’t be more real…I was in tears. But what really fascinated me, was when Holland’s eyebrow lifted in the middle of the movie at the realisation that the compass for the *vintage* map was with him all along – yes, it was in fact the emotional postcards from JJ that told him this in the middle of the night. Actually no, even better was when they found the treasure on these antique ships (which I think were cooler than the gold itself) and then succeeded to get into an invigorating fight with the bad guys; whilst the ships with the treasure were held on by a piece of STRING from a helicopter; and somehow, despite the constant crashing into huge rocks, survived. No, wait. I changed my mind again. The best thing was when Holland’s rucksack turned into Marry Poppin’s bag as he kept taking out more and more gold, even though they had lost most of it. But in all fairness, do you know what I learnt? That the moral of the story was: it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey and the friends you make on the way. So quirky.
Overall, I would say 6.5/10 – I’ve got to be honest though, the cliff-hanger couldn’t be more predictable. And I can’t help but wonder whether Unchartered’s purpose was to adapt the video game into a thrilling movie or to display the results of Tom Holland’s efforts in his intense fitness training that he underwent especially for the movie? Unfortunately, I lack the knowledge of a gamer so I can’t delve deep into that question, but I would like to state that making Holland wear a transparent white shirt isn’t very subtle.
Genuinely, do watch it if you like an action-adventure with some meticulous puzzle-solving and tomb-raiding (with a pretty great cast). I can guarantee you will get some laughs, and the graphics are quite engrossing. The directors did take up a pretty hard job of adapting a video game, so I’ll give them a star for their endeavours.
But I do warn you, Rudy Pankow only appears in short 30-second flashbacks…sad times.
