What does your musical instrument say about you?
In an attempt to be a good journalist, I asked many musician for their
opinions. But rather than taking them on board, I got shamelessly defensive, so
this article is very biased, but nonetheless true.
This is based on the typical instruments that comprise a WHS orchestra, as if I were to include them all, we would be here for days. To anyone (myself included) who plays an unmentioned instrument (e.g. the keytar), you have already one-upped all instruments mentioned.
Strings
Violin: Self-centred but crucial, so no one says anything. Yes, you get the glory of ‘first violin’ and ‘the walk on stage’ but if I’m being honest, we could occasionally do without you front and centre.
Viola: You need to give yourselves a bit more credit. You often sit around when people slander your trusty instrument, and that’s a little sad. Give yourself more credit and be more confident – and then people will see how much respect you’re worthy of (you are on of the coolest instruments).
Cello: Gorgeous to listen to. All cellists made an excellent choice picking their instrument. However, I hate to break it to you, but cello folk complain too much. Here are some quotes as evidence (because as I mentioned earlier: good journalism):
‘Ugh I can’t believe I have to carry my cello on the tube’ and the classic ‘my part in orchestra is way too boring… it’s literally one note’.
In your protesting, you fail to acknowledge the one instrument that truly gets the short end of the stick (or rather, bow).
Double Bass: You have every right to complain. In fact, you could probably create an orchestra made up of entirely double-basses, and through a statistically unlikely misfortune, we still wouldn’t hear you. However, I have the sincerest respect for all bassists. Despite having a relatively boring part in orchestras, you formed your own identity in Jazz (the best style of music) instead of just sitting there and complaining.
Woodwind
Flute: Wannabe violinists (you couldn’t quite hack the whole string instrument concept… or the reed concept).
Piccolo: Lungs of steel but also, why? It’s almost never in tune (fault of the instrument, not the player), ear-piercing, and just a bit extra.
Clarinet: The second choice. I say this as a clarinetist, so please take no offense. We are often forgotten about, get drowned out in orchestra, and never get much recognition. Anything that we play, the oboe’s or flutes will be playing too.
Oboes: Entitled ducks. Yes, you have a double reed, and yes, we all haveto tune to you. But that power comes with a price.
Bassoons and Bass Clarinets: You’re a lot of fun, but much like the clarinet, are often forgotten about. You have the potential to become the cellos of the woodwind section if you put your mind to it.
Cor Anglaise: Practically non-existent as an instrument.
Saxophone: If you were a clarinetist first, then I think you’re pretty cool. If you went straight to the saxophone – you’re not as cool as you think you are.
Brass:
Trombones: I’m slightly terrified of you. The way the instrument juts out is very intimidating. You do have the best sound though. And you have an incredible glissando.
All types of horns: You have the best variety of instruments, but I’m not going to comment on anything else.
Trumpets: Like the violin of the brass section. But in Jazz, be as obnoxious as you want!
Percussion:
I’m going to be honest here, I don’t really know how to comment on this section. You are certainly a fierce collective, but somehow always find a way to make a scene in a rehearsal (very entertaining though – and the cymbals steal the show during Once in Royal David’s City).
And now for the most truthful, honest, genuine, and unbiased opinion of them all:
Piano: Versatile, Independent, drop dead gorgeous; the best instrument. Need I say more?
(I am required to mention that I initially wanted to call the piano co-operative but an army of people shut me down on that comment and it therefore seemed like an extreme choice of adjective)
I’d like to end by reminding everyone, this is only my opinion. While it is a valid, evidence-based opinion, it is an opinion nonetheless, so please take no offence. At least we aren’t singers!
