Q
Unless you’ve comfortably been glamping under a rock (you little geologist), a lot has happened in the space of the past few months. But, since I had English recently, I suggest we zoom in and dissect a smaller part, to really unpick the “techniques” we experimented with as quarantine progressed.
Behold the Tour of Lockdown: an insider’s edition.
Clothes:
- First day of lockdown posed the question – ‘to be, or not to be?’ – when it came to deciding your attire. Were you part of the philosophers who considered the way the colours of the buttons on their jumper affected their dopamine levels, or were you a lazy teenager who got a mufti day for the first time in a while and thus wore three mismatched crop tops and twenty pairs of hoops?
- Last day of lockdown – One word. Pyjamas.
Eating times:
- 8.45am – you roll out of bed. You realise that you don’t actually have to get ready yet and that means you can use the fifteen minutes before your first lesson to go and have some whacky combination of omelette and chocolate cake (because who’s going to stop you).
- 9.30am – “I’ve survived half an hour of the six hours of lessons. I deserve a treat”.
- 10am – “It’s almost break anyway”
- 12.55pm – *unleashes inner sumo wrestler’s diet*
Sleeping schedule:
- A what?
Exercise:
- 1st PE lesson: “I’m going to do yoga at lunch, walk 10K after school and do PE with Joe during the lesson to really tone my pEctOrAls”
- 11th PE lesson: “Was there some art homework due five lessons ago or am I hallucinating again..?”
Socialisation:
- With friends? – nonexistent (mood for life).
- With family? – excessive. Too many times have we become frustrated because a sibling blinked at us the wrong way. Or the right way. But it’s still frustrating.
Schoolwork:
- “It’ll all be fine, it’s March, come on, there’s no way we’d do end of years at hom—”
Screen time:
- If your average didn’t go up to at least eleven hours a day, I don’t want to hear it. What were you doing? Actually having a life? Pfft.
Miscellaneous:
- There was a point in all our quarantines, when The Crisis happened. The Crisis – a dramatic term for an equally dramatic volta in your miserable existence. You know what I’m talking about. There was a point when you sat there one afternoon and thought “I might as well use my hormones to my advantage and go do something crazy. I’m going to dye my hair”.
- There was another crisis that happened in all our quarantines. Less dramatic, but still significant. The “I’m going to self-develop and try a new skill”. Now look yourself in the eye and reflect on how you’ve maintained that. I’ll wait.
- Those who have cats have realised just how much their cat actually sleeps.
It’s good to be back, eh?
