‘Little Shop Of Horrors’ is really just the latest Drama Dep attempt to push their Communist Manifesto.
Phoebe McDade killed Andrew Doyle for not letting her win last year’s Comedy Night, thus explaining his sudden absence.
The school’s sudden obsession with Love Island is because they’re changing the curriculum to mould us into the perfect contestants, ready to live the rest of our lives out on social media.
The school suddenly found that £15000 pounds that we’re all paying per term, so they decided to treat us with some Keepcups to say thank you.
India the Sports Day Dinosaur was a publicity stunt to promote the new Jurassic World film (out now in cinemas).
Rooms Q and R are not locked because of the A Level Art showcase; it’s a giant ruse to disguise the true hiding place of poor Mrs Hanbury’s sheep.
DJ John Lewis Parsons couldn’t make Sports Day, thus sent his twin brother Robert Dyas Parsons in to cover for him, explaining his rare appearances.
Pride Week was a massive way to convince Mrs Lunnon to wear something other than black.
Mrs McIlroy is a guardian angel, assigned to keep Sixth Form students from losing all hope in a world full of A Levels, Pink Slips and EPQs.
Project Ex Humilibus is actually just a way for the Physics department to extend their secret STEAM-sauna room in to a STEAM tower without anyone noticing.
Mr Haythorne is now actively out to get us as he suddenly swaps around entire periods of the day.
The school is working on an 11+ entrance requirement of height (at least 6’2”) in order to provide optimum results with natural selection.
