How sad I am to have to call this assembly, and I have – unusually – found it very difficult to think of the words for it. But, even when words don’t seem enough, I’m sure you’ll share with me in the belief that some things simply cannot be left unsaid, no matter how hard the saying might be. And so I wanted to talk with you today about the personal tragedy which is the abduction and murder of Sarah Everard, the ensuing public outcry and the events which have unfolded since, both online and in Clapham. It has in many ways been an overwhelming week but it’s also been a week which has shown how mighty the voice of women can be, and – I very much hope – a week which shall not, ultimately, have been in vain.
First, we must think of and hold in our thoughts the family of Sarah, who had their daughter taken away from them without rhyme or reason. I thought this weekend very much of her mother in particular, as Mother’s Day just felt like the cruellest of timing. Trying to comprehend that loss is too vast for my capacity but I am doing my best to remember the individual human tragedy amidst all of the surrounding noise. I always remember the words of the poet Michael Rosen writing about the death of his son, Eddie: I loved him, I did, every single day; and he went and died anyway. That sort of parental pain is in itself overwhelming to comprehend.
But when you add to that the violent, senseless nature of Sarah’s death and the detail that – it seems- the accused was one of the very people meant to protect us all on the streets, it becomes all the more overwhelming, and sadness is mingled with fear and anger; and, I confess, at times that anger is white hot.
And it’s captured everyone’s attention, and hearts. Not because – as some people are claiming over and over again on platforms like twitter – NOT because women don’t understand that it’s quite rare to be the victim of such an attack and are over-reacting senselessly; and NOT because someone like me, who is outraged by this, doesn’t understand that it isn’t hash-tag-all-men – I know it isn’t; and it isn’t because this is the first woman to have had her life taken in this way, and that there aren’t many more out there – I am all too aware of the extent of the problem of gendered violence. It’s not because of any of these things, but I suspect it’s because we are TIRED. Tired of all of this. The reality is that the women – of all ages, colours, faiths and backgrounds – who are pouring out their experiences of cat-calling, so-called ‘casual’ sexism, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, domestic threat and violence – are doing so now because enough is enough. Not because we care more about Sarah Everard than any other victim of violence or aggression, and not because we live our lives in fear, and not because we are being – as I have seen repeatedly again on twitter – ‘hysterical’ or ‘attention seeking’. But because enough is enough.
And of course, it happened nearby, and in the exact place in fact where many of you live currently and where many of us have lived as young women in our lives. I, like many people living and working in London after university, lived in Clapham and lived a life I suspect quite similar to that of Sarah. So it feels local, because it is.
And then of course, the vigil happened at the weekend and you know, I wasn’t there, I can’t tell you what happened in a dispassionate way – but it’s interesting, isn’t it, the seemingly heavy-handed approach to the women who were there. And yes, we are in lockdown, and I am someone who believes in following the covid laws and guidelines for the greater good – but the feminist in me also knows you don’t make any omelettes without breaking a few eggs and I wonder how our foremothers, Edith Hastings and co – would be feeling about the police’s treatment of those women. And I also know that it has taken radical women, brave women, over the centuries, to make changes because legislation is not enough – clearly, it’s not enough – the preventative measures in place are not preventing violence against women – or, if they are, not sufficiently. We simply just shouldn’t have to accept that ‘that’s the way things are’ – we need to keep going until it’s done, it’s no longer just an accepted part of life. Same for anything which oppresses people because of who they fundamentally are – racism, transphobia, homophobia – whatever it might be. I am simply not prepared to say ‘women are more at risk than men because they are women’ and walk away from it.
And then of course I have been reading online the testimonials of students across the country – former and current pupils of leading schools such as ours – telling their stories of coercion and fear on sites such as everyonesinvited.uk – and I felt so sad and so furiously angry. I thought about my own time at school where sexual desirability absolutely went hand in hand with social status, and the associated so-called-choices made so reluctantly by so many of the girls in my year, made out of fear and sadness and uncertainty, talked about with regret and real heaviness years later when we had a clearer sense of what was and was not acceptable – and I just feel so furious that it looks like things have not changed, not really, not when it comes down to it, and that your generation are continuing to experience this atmosphere and culture and behaviour. And I think we’re all aware that the schools being referenced in the testimonials are schools very well known to us, are schools some of our incredible young women go on to attend, schools with whom we socialise and hold events, and so I know it’s you telling some of these stories; and I can’t tell you how sad and angry that makes me, and should make us all.
And I urge any one of you who has had this sort of experience, and hasn’t felt able to talk about it, to talk about it if you can, to find someone you trust – a friend, family member, teacher, tutor, member of the pastoral team, school nurse, counsellor – whoever it might be – come and talk about it. You deserve to be heard and this behaviour is not acceptable, and not your fault.
And of course I know that these schools are offering PSHE and having classes on consent and so on, and I’ve seen letters go out to their alumnae asking them to write in with their experiences, so this is absolutely not a criticism of them. In many cases those boys themselves may have been victims – we know that boy on boy peer abuse takes place too). I am not running those schools, and I don’t have an understanding of the issues therein. And bear in mind too that these are the brothers, sons, boyfriends, friends, cousins of our WHS family and we need to be sensitive to that – and certainly not be attacking each other in any way about anything we might do or the people we love – we need to have solidarity here. Genuine solidarity and sensitivity.
But I do know that whatever is happening in schools, it’s not working, or it’s not working enough – and more needs to be done, by all of us in education, and indeed by all of us in society – and by men and boys and not just women and girls, in terms of educating, agitating and demanding change.
And then finally that led me to the position of women globally, to the huge equality, opportunity and treatment gaps for women worldwide. I think about the girls in the home in Sri Lanka whom we support, about their rejection from society because they have had a child out of wedlock, sometimes because they themselves have been raped; I think about countless acts of FGM and forced marriages and mass kidnappings by extremist groups, and trafficking, and lack of access to basic education and contraception and all of the ways in which women are still treated as saleable commodities, as deserving less, as deserving very little in fact, and it made me feel very overwhelmed indeed.
So here we are. And I was feeling really hopeless on Sunday evening as I sat down to write this. And not knowing what best to say. I had thoughts like: if I advise you all to stay safe, to look out for each other, would it look like victim-shaming, or that I believe that the problem is the behaviour of women and not the men who choose to be violent to them – even if you know that is never a stance I would take in reality? And if I on the other hand tell you to be bold and daring, to live the life of complete liberty and individual choice which I so wish for you all, would I be putting you at risk?
And then, and I should have known this would be the case, the answer and the inspiration arrived in the form it always does at this amazing school: from you.
Because I got two emails.
The first, was from a former student, who left two years ago, and in fact happened to be in my English A Level class, and was one of our student leadership team. And her sister is still here in our ranks and I know will be super proud right now. And I have permission to share some of her email with you now, and this is what this former student wrote:
Dear Ms Kennedy,
I hope you’re well! I’m sure, like many women up and down the country, the news of Sarah Everard’s murder and the ensuing conversations around female violence and sexual assault have resonated deeply with you. After what has been a very emotionally charged and overwhelming week, I woke up this morning wanting to write a letter to you, and everyone at Wimbledon High, just to say how extraordinarily lucky and thankful I feel for the environment that the school fosters and the wonderful education that I, and all my peers, received. During a period when so many women’s issues and voices are being silenced, I am so glad that my school always instilled into its pupils the importance of our individual voices and to never underestimate the power that they hold.
Speaking with my sister and my friends, we can all agree that the years we spent at Wimbledon were so formative and so vital in shaping our understanding of the world and our place within it. It makes me very proud to see WHS students, both former and current pupils, speaking out on these issues in articulate and meaningful ways and showing how we do not and will not tolerate the normalisation of mysogynistic and sexually abusive behaviour.
I don’t mean for this email to do anything particularly special but I felt very motivated to contact you after this week to just share my gratitude for the lessons that are taught at WHS and for the people that create an environment that nurtures and supports the voices of their female pupils.
Her phrasing, that WHS students speak out on issues in articulate and meaningful ways, showing how we do not and will not tolerate the normalisation of mysogynistic and sexually abusive behaviour – that, that right there – that makes me so incredibly proud. I would rather we had a reputation for not tolerating this behaviour, a reputation for speaking up and calling out this behaviour, than be top of any league table, or county champion in any sport. I actively WANT Wimbledon High girls to be known as the party poopers, the ones who stand shoulder-to-shoulder in challenging social situations, where something unacceptable is happening, and say, clearly and unwaveringly, that is unacceptable – and yes, accept the social backlash of that, but accept it together – because that is just how we are. We know what is ok, and what is not, and we say so, and in doing so we support others and liberate them to make those decisions too. It may well be that at that party, you get some flak from boys who don’t like you saying ‘enough, don’t say or do or be like that’, but I bet there’d be plenty there who feel so relieved that you are changing the atmosphere for the better, that you are keeping that room or house or bar or whatever it is a place where people are and feel safe. Should it be our job to do this? Of course not! Should it be happening in the first place? Absolutely not! And is it tiring fighting the good fight? 100%. But as with radical women throughout history, we have to keep fighting as we know that leaving it to society’s natural course, or to the legislators, or the politicians, will simply take far too long, or not happen at all. So if WHS students can shine that light brightly, together, being unflinching in your expectations of how young women – and indeed people as a whole – are treated, even when backs are turned and teachers and parents aren’t there – that will be enormously powerful,. And I am so so proud that this is what this former student feels you all do, all the time, and will continue to do. Nothing could be a better legacy from your time at school.
And then another email arrived, yesterday morning, and wow did it show me that what this alumna says is true. I’m going to read it to you now and apologies to the person mentioned in it – I don’t know who you are, so couldn’t ask your permission, but hope you will only feel happy that your actions had such a positive impact on another young person:
Dear Ms Kennedy
I hope you do not mind me writing – I appreciate how busy life in school is, especially in the current climate. I just wanted to express my thanks to one of your pupils. I am afraid I do not know who she is but her actions on Friday evening are to be commended; my daughter and I are very grateful.
Yesterday, 12th March, at about 5pm, my daughter, B, was doing some athletics training in King George’s Park, Wandsworth with my uncle. As she was running, a girl in Wimbledon High School kit (also around Y10, the age of my daughter) stopped her to check that she was alright, and that she did in fact know the man who was watching her train. B explained that she was with her great uncle and that she was fine. On her return, my daughter expressed her gratitude that the girl was brave enough to question the situation and speak out to ensure that she was safe. If she had not been, this intervention would have given B an opportunity to get away from what had been perceived as a potentially threatening situation.
Whilst the thought that two young women in their early to mid-teens are already so aware of the need to look out for each other in this way makes me feel very sad, as the mother of two girls, my overwhelming feeling is one of gratitude that there are people out there who do speak out. It may well not be possible to identify this young woman, but if you are able, please pass on our thanks. Her attitude and bravery are to be applauded. On this occasion, my daughter was perfectly safe and training with a family member but this might not be the case another time
I am not too proud to say I wept a bit when I got this email. This action, this thoughtfulness, this care for another young woman – and, as her mother points out, the courage shown – is so moving. You are ambassadors for this school, all of you, and in the current climate in particular, that THIS is the sort of email I am receiving, leaves me back to where I started – a little bit speechless, to be honest. Thank you, all of you, for being amazing young women.
So where next.
First, reach out if you have anything you need to share, or want to say, or anything at all you need support with. We’re here, and I promise you a listening ear without judgement or prejudice, and solidarity and support throughout. I have no doubt that all of this will have stirred up all sorts of difficult memories and feelings in any number of you. We’re here.
Second, be aware that for some people silence is protective. They may well be silent on this matter. Respect that please. It is not for you to interpret that silence. For many, this is painful and personal.
Third, it’s clear that we should continue to be proud of who we are, owning our space as our current student leaderships theme reminds us to do, and to do so as a unit, finding strength and solidarity in our numbers, and in the consistency and defiance of our message.
But also, let’s agitate. This isn’t just about calling individual incidences and behaviours out, it’s about grass-roots education. It’s about insisting on proper focus and funding – not just about funding shelters and other reactive care facilities, though that’s important, but properly resourcing City design and town planning with women in mind, making streets literally safer, it’s about special units properly trained and equipped to handle and investigate harassment and violence against women, it’s about creating a legal system and judiciary in particular which encourages rather than punishes women for coming forward with allegations,. It’s about real time for real crime against women, so that any preventative measures in place are actually preventative. We need to get political, using our united voice not just in our personal and social spheres, but publically and formally. So let’s discuss together, in a forum, how we might go about doing that. I’m up for it if you are.
And finally, and on that note, let’s keep the dialogue going. Tell us what you think,. How you feel, what more or less can and should be done. And to help kickstart this dialogue, we have the RAP project, or Rape Awareness and Prevention project, coming in next week to talk with you about peer on peer harassment and abuse with you, and you may remember them from other sessions
This is what Allison, the co-founder of RAP, has written this weekend:
For the past 10 years, RAP has been adamant that our audiences of tens of thousands of students clearly understand the laws defining sexual offences, peer on peer sexual harassment, sexual assault and where to turn if ever a victim. Deana, a former sex crimes prosecutor, knew from the outset this to be RAP’s core. Gender violence at Universities is also all-too prevalent, with over half of students reporting to be victims of sexual offences. We need to educate young people earlier, repeatedly, more than ever. Deana and I believe these messages must be reiterated consistently, and our job is to inspire empowering discussions amongst the students themselves.
So, this is a beginning, not an end. And very much like the tragic murder of George Floyd and its hideous mishandling by those in charge thereafter, which then kickstarted the Black Lives Matter movement and put front and centre issues of systemic racism, so has it taken the tragic murder of Sarah Everard and its mishandling by those in charge thereafter for the issue of gendered violence to take up space on the front pages. And these are not things which we can afford to allow to drift off our radar – they matter too fundamentally. And that’s where my hope comes in. it is, I feel entirely confident, your generation and the students sitting in this school right now who will keep these issues of injustice and inequality right at the centre of society’s thinking, and your generation which will force lasting, meaningful change. And for that, I couldn’t be more grateful to you, or more proud of you. It’s time. We’re tired. And enough is enough.